Lord, it's been awhile!!!

Lord, it's been awhile since I have posted on here..over 2 months. I had forgotten how benficial it is for me to have an outlet such as this!! My fiance is back home, and things have been...well it's been an adjustment! We have good days and we have bad days, we both have to deal with each other being around all the time again! I LOVE having him home, don't get me wrong, but maybe there's a sense of independence I miss...you know being able to come and go as I please, without having to consider anyone else in my plans! In the end, i'd much rather have to factor both him and Patrick into my daily routines!! I can't believe that I'm going to be someone's wife soon, I can't believe I will one day (sooner than later) be someone's mother! Having Patrick in my life, is amazing...that boy surprises me everyday, it's amazing to see how innocent he is and how much love he has for everyone in his life, plus he asks for a baby brother on a daily basis!! I have been blessed with two amazing people in my life, and enjoy everything that they both bring to the table! I am going to school, enrolled in an ultrasound tech program, I can't wait to have a degree!!
New Years day my mom suffered a heart attack, thankfully she caught it in time and she's doing better, although she will need another surgery in a few months!! Hopefully I will remember that I have this whole blog thing, and continue to give updates!! Life gets better and better everyday and I couldn't imagine mine going any other way!!

Getting so close...

Sometimes I feel like I'm hallucinating, but my fiance WILL be home NEXT MONTH...eeek!!! Sometimes I take for granted that Michael didn't have to do the whole deployment and I got my "extra" time with him, but I'm allowed to be grateful for it, it's not like I rub it in anyone's faces or anything! Next deployment he'll be gone the full amount of time, and it will be just as hard, but I'll still have good friends and family to help me through and I'll get myself into another routine! Speaking of  friends, I've realized SO much through this deployment. Now I fully admit that prior to and at the beginning of this deployment I was scared out of my mind that I couldn't do it alone and I was searching for friends old and new, anywhere and everywhere...what the HELL was I thinking?! I thought having a big group of friends would make things easier and I'd be busy constantly, but what a dumb idea! Granted, I'm a VERY hard person to get along with and not easy to handle most of the time. I'm stubborn and very prideful! I won't bite my tongue to anyone about anything and you WILL know my opinion. Fool me once shame on you, but you might not even be given the chance to full me twice. Depending on who you are and what you've done to me, or said about me, I may or may not give you a second chance! Sometimes friendships just really aren't worth the time or energy, especially when you're the only one putting anything into it! If we're friends you should initiate getting together just as much as me. If I notice you're down and try to lift you're spirits, it might be nice for you to do the same for me! I'm in a vulnerable state with Michael gone...I went straight from my parents home to living with him and Patrick, and I've really never lived alone. So maybe I'm a tad bit more on the bitchy side than normal, but either way I'll always be a bitch and I'll always own up to it! Obviously I've got a man and great friends who love me for it! Here's some advice...if you're my "friend"...don't call me a "ni**er", don't try to make out with me, don't flake out on me without calling/texting saying you're not coming, don't talk about me behind my back to a good friend of mine who will MORE than likely fill me in on what you've said, don't say we're great friends then ignore me, don't use me for your convenience, just  be YOU and let me be ME, that's all I need/want in a friend! Soon, my fiance and stepson will be home, we'll be getting married, looking to move, I'll be working as a CNA, starting a family, and so much more...with all of that to look forward to I don't need fake, dramatic, selfish people in my life! I'm becoming a stronger person each and everyday and learning things about myself I never knew...not only am I strong, but I will be strong for many years to come! RANT OVER....

So maybe I am a woman's woman...

Well I think that I can officially say that i'm not really down to get dirty! This all started on Sunday as I was driving home from the airport and my car died..as in the battery died, so my car wouldn't start! I went to Auto Zone to have my battery charged, and they told me that I needed to bring the battery inside the store, let's just say I'm a ding dong and don't know how to remove the battery from my car (my car is an import and it's not just simply slid out fyi), so my lovely neighbor graciously offered to take it for me, and I then learned that I can't just have it charged because my battery is BEYOND dead! So there goes my mood for my "upbeat Monday", but to my surprise my wonderful fiance calls right then, like he truly sensed that I needed to hear his voice at that very moment, and at last, my upbeat mood was back! So then I get home last night and clean my house spotless only to discover then when I go to relax, my internet isn't working...again, I'm a ding-dong and I don't know how to just "fix" things! There goes my upbeat mood, if you know me then you know I NEED internet, like it's part of my life, maybe lame, but I feel lost without having access to the internet, even if I only use it for pointless web browsing! So how do I get my upbeat mood back, well Michael tells me that in just a short week or so Patrick will be back in VA, we all know how lost I've been without them, so at least with one back maybe time will go by quicker! No way I'll lose my bad mood now, this morning I woke up and fixed the internet by myself, got my battery changed thanks to Rachel and the maintenance guy, of course with me overseeing everything, and life is GOOD!!! Back to work tomorrow through Friday, then this weekend I'm getting little man's room back in order and off to Chicago next week!! :)

My poor sick self! :(

So this week i've been super sick, why...who really knows? Working at 6 am in the morning 2 or 3 days a week, is still rough getting used to! I need to get myself back on a routing schedule!! I can't wait to go on vacation to Chicago in a few weeks, and get away from VA for a while, it's gonna be so nice to get away! I find myself getting stronger through this deployment, not anything I expected from myself! I'm proud of who I'm becoming as a person, and how much my relationship has developed throughout the whole thing! Had  a girls night last night, and it was full of laughs, had SO much fun, even though I still felt like crap!Just a couple more months and I can  finally say that I successfully made it through our first deployment, fully capable to do however many are thrown at me though our relationship! The navy is good to us, so for however long we're connected to them, I'm not gonna let them bring me down! Michael chose this for himself, and by my choosing him, I'm going to support him and this lifestyle to the fullest! Enough blabbing, off to find a cure for this cold!! <3

Amateur Blogger

So I'm not very good at this whole update thing! Every time I blog, I really just blab about a bunch of nonsense that doesn't really matter..but whatever because it gets the thoughts out of my head! This deployment is getting harder and easier, it's weird! I feel like it's almost over (which it is), yet time is DRAGGING! If I can get through the rest of October, I know I'll be good, since I have tons planned for November, then after that it will be a breeze! Keeping busy, and having a few good friends has surely helped! Plus being able to talk to Mike on a daily basis, isn't what I expected so I LOVE that I'm able to do that! I got a new job as a nanny again, this time with a new family....the little boy I watch is way too cute, and constantly has me laughing! I keep catching myself saying uh-oh, and oopsies, and all-gone too adults though, so maybe I need a tad bit more adult interaction!I found a wedding dress I LOVE, one I NEVER would picture myself in, yet still I LOVE it! I'm so excited to get married and start my life with my family! I've decided to enroll in a CNA program through TCC for Spring semester, and hopefully I can get a job full time as a CNA 3 days a week and make a decent amount of money! I love me life, I love my friends, my family, and ah, I'm just an in love with everything type of mood lately, but who can blame me!?

Don't forget to "follow" my wedding blog as well! www.ourweddingcraze.blogspot.com

I get by with a little help from my friends :)

Well i'll start off by saying that  I finally got a new job! I won't be working 75 hours a week, I won't be spending money out of my own pocket, I won't lose time with my family, and I will have fun! Can we say PERFECT, well I hope so! It's been so crazy throughout this deployment, that some days i'll be upbeat, happy, and energetic all day and not want to cry at all and nothing will get to me! Then there are the days where all I want to do is cry, and wallow in my own sorrow and pity! That's where my friends come in, well some of them! Them telling me and reminding me how strong I am and keeping me busy, helps to keep my eye on the prize, which is having my sailor home and being in his arms, where I belong! I have had a few friends within the last week or two to show their true colors, but that's just when other come shining through proving to me that no matter what they'll stick by me until the end! I am so in love with my life and my little family,and even through the bad times I wouldn't ever change it for anything else in the world! I am who I am because of the things that have happened to me, the things i've been through, and the people that have helped me through it all! Some are still around, and some are long gone, but no matter what they've all taught me something good or bad along the way! I'm almost there, it's so so close I can feel it!I'm a strong woman and i've been through so much in a lifetime, which is further proof, that i'm gonna kick this deployment in the ass and once again come out on top! Thank to everyone for your support in surviving our first deployment, you'll never know how much you mean to me!!!

Michael Nichols I love you with everything I am and I can't wait until you come home!! <3

Loving My Life

Well well well...not really sure how this blogging thing is working seeing as I wanted it to be a "daily" thing and it's turned into being weekly, and even bi-weekly! This weekend I went to dinner with some girlfriends, went shopping, babysat, and went bowling where I broke my freaking wrist, AGAIN!! It's ok though, i'm totally getting used to this whole broken bones thing! On another not, i'm getting used to the fact that i'm a "people pleaser" ....I like everyone to be happy, even when sometimes i'm not even happy myself! Each and every relationship is give and take, frienships, parent/child, student/teacher/boyfriend/girlfriend, brother/sister,husband/wife, and so on and so forth! I have found myself in many realtionships lately where it is give and take however I give and don't take and the other's take and don't give! I can't have that type of realtionship, because relationships stress me out, so i'm slowly cutting them out of my life! I have so much positive to focus on why even let the negative affect me!! I'm making new friends and working on old friendships! Going over wedding plans in my head, but kinda nervous to start them anywhere outside of my head because I want it to be perfect!! Plus, I want Michael to be able to help me plan it, because it's OUR wedding day, not just mine...although I know he'll be like  "whatever you want babe"! Some friend of our are getting married in a few weeks, and they've been to hell and back in their relationship, just like we have, but its just further proof to me that our relationship CAN and WILL work!! I finally love my life, and that's taken me a very long while to ever be able to say that!! Enough blogging for now, or else i'll just keep rambling!!!